


Lance Asks The Blue Lion About Himself

by Deneb_Kaitos



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 18:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9561215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deneb_Kaitos/pseuds/Deneb_Kaitos
Summary: Lance still can't figure out what he's worth, if anything, and decides to ask Blue what she thinks. In response, Blue takes him on a journey so that he may answer his own question. On this journey, Lance listens to the many voices of the Universe to discover what he already knows, and finally finds closure.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't satisfied with the end to the Sharpshooter episode of Voltron season two. Recently, I said that I ask the Universe at large answers, and was asked, "What does the Universe tell you?". I responded with, "That I am small and insignificant". I wasn't really satisfied with this answer, either, and I combined the two things into this piece of work here in an effort to find closure, as well as to provide the kind of reassurance I felt like Lance really needed, but didn't get.
> 
> We never got to know what exactly the Blue lion looks for in its paladin like with the other four lions because Lance substituted his own reasons, and wasn't corrected. It's no wonder he doesn't really know what he's worth, if he doesn't have a "thing". I hope this is enough.
> 
> Written almost entirely to The Neighbourhood's "Honest", which I had on repeat for probably five-ish hours. Shout out to this music for getting me in the writing mood.
> 
> Edit 2: I am not looking for critiques on this. I want this whole piece and related comments to be good vibes only! This is a therapy piece mostly written for me, but I hoped that it might help other people as well! I've turned comment moderation back on but please don't let this stop you from leaving a message. Just be kind and courteous. 
> 
> Edit: My sibling was kind enough to write a companion to this piece I did here, _[Keith Asks The Red Lion For Comfort](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9787289)_ , so I encourage you all to read this one because it is beautiful.

_Hey Blue, mind if I talk to you?_

There is only silence.

_Blue...I don't know what I'm doing. Am I enough?_

Are You Enough For Yourself?

_What's that supposed to mean? No, I mean like, am I contributing-_

You Cannot Know The Answer To Your Question Until You Can Answer Mine.

_Look, I dunno! I was kind of...asking...you..._

You Determine Your Own Self-Worth As Being That Of How Others Perceive You?

_Well, yes..._

You Need More Help Than I Thought. Very Well. Come With Me.

_Where are we going?_

The familiar cockpit, lit up blue. Lance sits, then lets out a shocked cry as the scenery...changes.

He sits now on a rock in a massive forest. The biggest trees Lance has ever seen soar into a sky so distant he can hardly make it out. Strange noises emanate from all around him, and it seems to him it's a noisier forest than he has ever been in. The place hums and churs with constant, hushed sounds.

Satisfied with his observations of his environment, he risks a look at himself.

 _Blue...where...am I? I mean like,_ where _am I and where am_ _I?_

The Smallest Creatures Know What You Need To Know. Ask Them.

Lance concentrates. The sounds begin to separate into discernible sounds. Tiny voices, or thoughts, coursing through the air with a sense of purpose. 

_We never see the stars. The sun has no meaning to us; we know only light, and dark. This is our whole world, the biggest thing we know. Our purpose is only to ourselves, and we know not the past nor the future, nor how our every move will determine both the precedent and the next case. Our lives are simple, but to those which depend upon us, our roles in the Universe are the most important thing they will ever know._

There Are Yet Other Voices. Listen Closer.

Lance sifts through the sounds now sleeting through his ears, filling his mind with urgent whispers.

_We cannot see nor hear. Our lives are spent stationary, at the mercy of the elements and those graced with mobility. The Light of the Sun is the most important thing we know, but we have no concept of how it burns hotter than any fire that would threaten to turn us to ash and charcoal. Years pass and pass, and we grow and grow. It is not our concern the lives of the things which may live among our roots, our branches, the bark, the very wood itself. Our place in the Universe changed everything for the creatures which grew up along with us. This is something we will never know, nor ever understand._

_Blue,_ I _don't understand. These things are like, tiny; of course they don't understand what it is they're doing. I mean, trees don't...they're not conscious...are they?_

Define Consciousness, And You Will Know The Answer.

_Urgh, now you're getting all philosophical with me. Can we just go back? I'm not going to understand it if it has to be like this, so just like...forget about it, okay?_

Lance, I Believe You May Already Have Caught Onto Something Here. Are You Sure You Would Like To Stop?

Lance fidgets. The outlines of things in the cockpit overlay the vision of the trees and dirt of the forest, and he suspects perhaps he may still be in the cockpit after all...

A few minutes pass, but Blue does not continue. Lance lets out a sigh.

_Okay, fine. What's next, Blue?_

I Understand That Perhaps These Creatures Were Too Different From You To Fully Grasp The Lesson I Mean To Teach You. You Wish To Find Something Closer To Yourself. Listen, See.

The blue of the cockpit melts into a different kind of blue, and Lance can feel the distinct brush of water on his face. Instinctively he holds his breath.

You Need Not. Breathe Easy.

Reluctantly, he lets a tiny bit of air out and tries to breathe in. No horrible feeling of choking grips him, so he takes a bigger breath. 

There are noises here, too, the sounds one may expect from a seashell, but there are also others. A strange, low whine...no, not quite that. The pitch turns up, but Lance can't place it. 

_Blue, Blue, what is that? Do you hear that? Blue!_

_See._

Lance refocuses his attention to his eyes, scanning the underwater fog for the source of the eerie sound. A dark shape nearly escapes him, but his stomach drops and he snaps his attention back in its direction.

The shape is indistinct, but clearly quite large, probably even bigger up close. The sound comes again, a haunting call, a song...

_We are voyageurs of the great ocean depths. To us, distance has nearly no meaning. Horizons are not borders to us, merely the division of our world and that which is above us. Where the Others live. The birds, the boats- no, the humans onboard. We are aware of them, and of each other. Our elders teach us of things we may never see in our lifetimes, but we shall teach our children all the same. We are mighty, we are many, but our world is so small against the vast distances of the Universe. Yet, we are not useless, not without purpose, not without worth._

The dark shape seems to be facing Lance now, emerging slowly. A long, sleek face comes into view. A dark eye looks at Lance, _sees_ him. 

_A...a whale? These are whales?_

Yes. Earth Is Your Home. There Are Creatures Much Like Them Elsewhere, But These Are Your Neighbours.

_Hah, well you don't get much bigger than whales...on Earth, that is. That's such a difference from the woods, what gives?_

What Did They Say Which Was In Common With Those Creatures?

_Um...not much? They live in a giant world, they understand about the things living in it with them...wait..._

The whale drifts past Lance, eye trained on him. As is the way of large things, it appears to be moving quite slowly, but Lance knows that it is not. No apparent effort appears to be propelling it forward, and yet, it moves.

_What, that like, they're still super small compared to everything else? Does that...bother whales, then?_

Does It Bother You?

_What- No- Hey, stop asking questions when I ask you one!_

Well, Why Would It Bother A Whale?

_Look I dunno, I was asking you. Well, what's next then?_

Lance looks at the fading shadow beneath him, all which is left of the passing whale. With one last look at him, it flukes powerfully downward and disappears from sight in mere moments. 

You Have Learned At Least Some Of What You Must Know. Who Would You Like To Ask, Lance?

_Who, me? Um, look, I wanted to ask you and that didn't work out..._

Please?

_Okay, okay. Um. What exactly is the question, again?_

That Would Be Entirely Up To You.

_It wouldn't be the real...them, though, would it?_

Hard To Say. Would You Be Satisfied With Asking Them For Real, Or Would You Like The Truth?

 _Alright, that doesn't even make sense. Wouldn't asking them for real_ be _the truth?_

Do You Always Tell The Truth?

Lance hums, drumming his fingers on his knees.

_No, I guess not. Sure, why not. Um. Can I ask...Shiro?_

The feeling of weightlessness and water is gradually replaced by a rather hard seat and the feeling of a struggling AC unit. The air is warm despite, and quite humid. Beyond thin walls, Lance thinks he can hear the rolling and crashing of waves, and fancies he can even smell the salt. Blinking, he looks around.

_Hey, Lance._

Lance could swear Shiro hadn't been sitting there before, but his memory disagrees. Of course he'd been there. 

_Shiro...uh, hi?_

_Blue tells me you've got some questions for me. You know, I'm always willing to talk to you for real if you need me. But, if this helps, then that's okay as well._

Lance fidgets with the hem of his sleeve nervously. Shiro looks real enough.

_Um...well, look, I don't really know? I asked Blue a basic question and now she's going and doing all of this, like, silly stuff and I'm super confused and now she says I can talk to you guys but it might not really be you guys, but that it might be more like...truthful, this way, or whatever. So I don't know. I'm confused?_

_It's a sad shame you can't be as honest with me when we're really together, Lance. You're scared of being blown off and rejected, and having your troubles and difficulties marginalized or even completely written off, isn't that right? That's why you won't ask for help. But let me be the first to tell you what you already knew, before the fear: Only you know how you're doing, how you're really feeling. But when you need help and you conceal it, people can't help you. People won't understand you. They will never be able to know you as well as you do, but you can help them and yourself if you open yourself up to them. You may be criticized. You may not. The only thing I know is that if you stay fast in your shell, you will never grow._

Lance can feel his heart in his throat. A mixture of emotions pulses through him. An empty space exists where Shiro had sat across from him, as though he'd never been there at all. Of course he hadn't been. Lance knew that.

_Blue...?_

Yes, Lance?

_Shiro...what he said..._

All True. You Know That. But It Needed To Come From Someone Else, Did It Not? You Would Not Have Believed Yourself, Nor Me.

Lance breathes in, breathes out, exhaling slowly. The world around him becomes indistinct.

_Alright, well, that's...helpful. Really, it is. I still don't know how the other things play in but...I'm willing to figure it out now, if that's okay?_

You Need Not Ask My Permission. If You Would Like To Continue, Gladly Will I Do So.

_Right, right, okay. Okaaay. Um. I don't know what to do next? Help?_

Hmm...Tell Me First, What Have You Learned?

_Ah, right, shit. Um...like, that I need to set aside fear of ridicule in order to pursue personal growth? And in the process, like, foster better relationships with the others and...like...it would generally make things easier on myself...?_

Very Good. I Want You To Also Remember Relative Size...It Will Be Important Later.

_Great, more metaphors..._

Though the world around him can't be made out yet, the heat remains and intensifies. The AC unit is gone, but it would have done very little good indeed here. As Lance's vision sharpens again, he feels his nose and throat beginning to sting with the acrid smell of smoke, and he quickly realizes what the blurry, flickering orange shapes beyond him are.

_Woah, this is dangerous, Blue! Did you just put me down in a fire?_

There is no response from Blue, but Lance answers his own question anyway. The water didn't harm him earlier. He's still in the cockpit. Of course.

Nothing but the roar of the fires fill his ears, broken only by the crash of trees splintering and crashing to the ground. Waves of hot, dry wind rushes past him as pressures created by the warm and cool air work to create strange weather phenomena, stifling or feeding portions of the great stretch of burning trees and brush. Lance feels frustrated at first, trying to figure out what any of this could mean, but he remembers how senseless the noises of the creatures in the woods were, and wonders if...perhaps, the fire has a voice as well.

It takes some time, but at last a rasping voice can be made out against the growl of the burning wood.

_My existence is brief and requires tremendous sacrifice from those around me. There will never be satisfaction for my hunger; my ravenous need for fuel defines whether I may stay or go. Great fear! Fire consumes and destroys without regard to what it is touching. It does not stop to think, it simply eats and breathes, and then demands more. Yet...yet. I am Light. I am Light in the darkness, a weapon, a tool. Fire destroys, yet it also creates. Many would turn away, would run from me, but even I, destructive and unrelenting, have a place. There is great value in finding the value of something as dangerous as me. Look for that value, and worth you will find._

As Lance watches, the flames begin to die as they exhaust themselves of fuel. Rain comes and goes. Nothing much changes, but there is still a hoarse whisper...

_There will always be those who cannot see this worth. Let it go. The consequences of my actions will always be beyond my comprehension, but that does not mean it does not exist. For all who turn and run from your wrath, there will also be as many who will come forth and bask in your light. Do not smother yourself that you may not see those who leave, rather, burn bright enough to see all whom are drawn to you and what you do, and let that be enough._

The whispering runs on for a while longer, but Lance can no longer make out the words, and eventually, all that is left is the scarred landscape, painted in gray and black, set against a bleak sky that promises more rain. 

_Blue, you still there...?_

Yes.

_Is this kind of like...I dunno, I heard once that forest fires somehow help forests? Is that true?_

Yes.

_And like...everyone knows that fire destroys things, but humans were the first...well, the first on Earth to figure out how to get it to make things, too. Um. Is that right? Please give me a straight answer this time._

Yes, Lance. Understand That I Do Not Hear What You Are Hearing - You Are Answering These Questions For Yourself. Only You Understand Yourself Best. Speak Your Own Language, And Listen To Yourself. I Am Merely Providing You A Means To Do This.

_Ah, hah, so this is sort of like how Shiro wasn't exactly...real, but sort of...me telling myself...stuff...through him?_

You Are Quickly Getting The Idea. Yes, This Is Like That.

_Mm...okay. I think that I want to talk to someone else again. Can I do that?_

Of Course. Who Shall It Be?

_Um. I don't really know. Hunk's my best friend, Pidge's got some perspective I don't think I've got, Keith is...I don't know, he's confusing. Er, I think I'd like to keep the Alteans out of it._

You Cannot Decide Who You Need Most At This Time?

_Uhg, yeah, seems like it. Stupid Lance, asking for things and oh man, he doesn't even know what he wants..._

With Your Permission, I Shall Show You One Which I Believe Is Best?

_You can do that? Uh, like I said, so long as it's not Allura or Coran..._

I Would Never. So, May I?

Lance pulls his knees up to his chest, thinking. In all honesty, he is trying to guess who she'll pick, perhaps if he figures it's someone he doesn't like he'll say no...

No, that won't work. That's not what he needs. He cannot afford to give in to fear now.

_Uh...sure, fine. I mean, yes. Pick away, I guess._

The smell of damp charcoal and rain fade, replaced with the bland smell of the recirculated, filtered air of the Castle. Lance recognizes the narrow shape of the paladin rooms and the feel of the bed, too thin to be truly comfortable, but too soft to be worth complaining about. All the rooms look basically the same, and though he looks for identifying factors, there are corners and edges of the room obscured as though he were looking through opaque glass.

_Um...hello?_

His voice echoes strangely, more akin to how it sounds to speak in the quiet, small space of the cockpit. Lance tries to ignore the sense of discomfort this gives him.

There is no response. He drums his fingers on his knees, still pulled up to his chest.

_Is anyone actually there? Blue, there's no one here. What are you doing? Just pick something!_

No response.

_Aw, great. Probably more like...metaphors, or something. Philosophy, maybe. Not cool Blue!_

No answer presents itself to him. He rocks slightly.

_Hah, this is like...figure it out for yourself, Lance. Oh, I know, talk to yourself, that's very good. Clever, almost. Well, I do that all the time, and I've never heard an answer back! So, uh, yeah...um. That's probably not gonna...change._

The silence sears the anger out of him, leaving him feeling burned out and miserable.

_Look, I never asked to be a paladin! Don't get me wrong, it's awesome and obviously saving the universe is really important and stuff, but like. You know, I don't know like, 'why me'? Sort of thing. It's not like...well, I'm not a terrible pilot, that's gotta be Hunk, but y'know. I'm also not the best pilot. Or the smartest one. Or the nicest one. Or the other one...Shiro, that is. Okay, yeah, I'm a good shot, Shiro said so but I dunno, I kind of pushed for that, didn't I? Maybe it's just a one time deal, you know, Blue, maybe you deserve someone better than me...hahah...I understand I'm like, the first person you met after so long. But y'know, maybe I'm holding you back, maybe I'm holding everyone back, maybe-_

_Lance, stop._

The wall opposite of Lance is occupied by Keith. It seema to him that he'd always been there, but why would he start going off like that if he'd known someone was there? Then again, didn't he _want_ someone to be listening?

_Oh, uh. Didn't...see you there._

_You're just really insecure, right? I get it. And you know you're your own worst enemy, always making a fool out of yourself, blowing things out of proportion, whining...people get tired of it. But you're tired of it too. Only thing is, right, that's all you know now. How do you sincerely make a change like that, how do you prove to people you're being honest and not just making a scene? That's what you want to figure out, but you don't even know where to start with just that. And all of it is wrapped up nastily with who you are deep inside, always wanting to show off, to be great. Once you stopped living up to your own expectations, though...well, maybe people remembered the Lance that could and not the Lance that had started to struggle to keep ahead, and slowly that became that Lance who just wanted to keep up, and finally, it became the Lance that can't come to terms with being left behind. That's not your fault. That doesn't make you flawed. You don't realize that things will never get better if you try your damnedest to make sure things stay the same. Talk to us. We want to hear you, and you want to be heard. So speak. You're good at that, at least._

Lance squeezes his eyes shut, feeling dazed and a bit stung. It is coming from Keith...well, sort of. It's more like it's coming from what Lance haa made Keith embody. A source of justified strife, something he can blame that isn't himself, a point to compare himself against and shoot for. Then he'd gotten to know him, and Keith stopped being a thing and started being a person, a teammate, a friend, and now he couldn't blame him anymore. It's quite possible that Keith has never felt nearly as strongly about their so-called rivalry as Lance, and something about realizing this causes Lance to feel suddenly very empty. How many nicknames had he given himself? The Tailor? The Sharpshooter? How many things had he invented in order to cope with being nothing?

_Lance, you're not listening to me. You're not nothing, not to me, not to us. Where are you getting the notion otherwise?_

_Because! Because...wait, no, y-you're not supposed to say that..._

_Where does your self-worth come from?_  
Where Does Your Self-Worth Come From?

Lance can't see in front of him, too many tears are filling his eyes.

Where Must You Go, Who Must It Be, For You To Understand Your Best Sense Of Value Is Set By You? 

_Who must you ask, Lance?_

Lance lets his body drop backwards, keeping his legs pinned to him and rolling onto his side. 

_No one! Everyone! I don't know!_

Then Let Me Pick Someone For You.

A feeling of weightlessness returns, and the pressure of the bed against his arm and side releases. All around him, as he blinks away tears and wipes them from his face, is the endless darkness of space.

_The Universe...?_

Yes.

_You want me to ask the whole universe about this stupid question?_

Is There Anyone Left To Ask?

Lance shudders, uncurling slightly. No sound. No light. Nothing to listen to. Nothing to see. 

_Universe...uh...if you're in an answering mood...what am I...worth?_

Visions of the vast machinations of the universe suddenly fill his field of view, galaxies tumbling away from him, stars bursting to life or collapsing in a cosmic cough. There are other things which he feels he almost knows - atoms at work, perfect geometry, repeating structures great and small, scaling infinitely. The galaxies grow smaller and smaller. Clusters of stars wheel away, becoming mere pinpricks of light, only the brightest remaining as the others wink out, and yet Lance begins to get the sense that no vantage will ever be enough to see all of the universe in one place. The matrix of blinking lights takes on a familiar look, and he blinks.

Light reflects off the rolling, dark ocean. Lance stands on a beach, and instinctively he knows it is Earth. Then, the Universe speaks.

_You are small, and insignificant. The edge of your very solar system will likely never know that you, Lance, ever existed. Stars whose light you see are quite likely all dead. You'll never live to see when the sun sighs its last and swallows the planets who have hugged it so close for so long._

_Yet, you have always felt that those things mattered. Why? If you do not matter, why should they?_

_Yet, you do. For the same reason that all things do. Your worth is intrinsic and can only be defined by you. Even if you do not realize you are worth something, you still are. Do not confuse "value" with "use". Instead, think of how incredible it is that you are linked to so many things, things you'll never know, and things which will never know you. You have always put value in connections._

_You are, by your own definition, valuable, if only to yourself._

_In answer to your original question, then: Are you enough?_

_If you are valuable to your own self, then the answer is yes._

_You already knew that the others placed value in you - but because you could not see what they did in yourself, you determined that they were wrong, and would not accept it. The Universe may never understand a small, insignificant thing like you, but it will also never understand the biggest, most important things. Accept that you are enough for yourself, and know that this is all you need. All that you want will follow, so long as you know this._

The stars...the glittering ocean...no, the city lights in fog...the lights of the dashboard? Lance shuts his eyes for a few moments, letting in the sound and feel of the cockpit to his senses. Nothing all at once. After he is sure, he opens his eyes.

_...you there, Blue?_

Yes.

_There's no way that was me thinking, right?_

I Do Not Know. I Am Not You.

_All that stuff about the universe and the relative size of things and stuff...I don't know any of that, I mean, I'm not even very good at math...what does "intrinsic" mean?_

In This Instance, I Would Say It Means From Within, Belonging Inherently To, Intertwined With...Something Like That.

_Ah._

I Will Say It Now: You Are Enough. You Are Inherently Valuable. From There, You Can Only Get Better, Because Your Base Value Can Never Be Diminished. In Addition To Your Intrinsic Worth, You Place Value In That You Are A Part Of Things. In Addition To That, Others Place Value In That You Are Family, A Friend, A Teammate...And Many Other Things. In Addition To That, You Serve A Larger Purpose, Protecting The Universe From Those That Would Do It Harm, A Service Which You Also Place Value In. Do You Understand? You Do Not Need To Find Value, It Was In You All Along.

Where Does Your Self-Worth Come From?

_It comes from...no, it's just me. I'm enough because I am. Everything else...that's just extra, that's more, and that's good also, but...even without all of that, I'm still good? Or, well. Y'know. You do, don't you?_

Of Course I Do, Lance. Coming Away From All Of This...Know Also That I Love You. I Hope You May Learn To Do So As Well, But Perhaps One Lesson At A Time Is Enough For Now.

_Hah, yeah, I agree. I love you too, Blue. Thanks...um, I think I'll go...sleep on this, if you don't mind. We didn't...actually go anywhere, did we?_

Do You Want The Philosophical Answer, Or The Mysterious One?

_Oh no, no need. Nevermind. Goodnight, Blue._

Lance leaves the lion, and only pauses momentarily to steady his shaking legs as he exits the mouth. With a sharp intake of breath, followed by a gentle exhale, he returns to his room. Tomorrow will likely be a lot like today. But Lance knows that you can't turn around without going left or right, unless you backflip, of course. Seeing as he doesn't know how to, however, he'll settle on gradual change. And that will have to be enough.


End file.
